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A Healthy Family Begins With A Positive Family Dynamic

A Healthy Family Begins With A Positive Family Dynamic

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May 6 2022, Published 11:13 a.m. ET

How would you explain your family dynamic to someone if they asked? Do you share moments of affection and vulnerability? Connecting on a personal level which each member of your family is pivotal when trying to build a bond. And, with that bond, comes trust which is something that Tyler and I, personally, believe is necessary for a positive family dynamic. Each person deserves to trust that their voice is heard, trust that their emotions are valid, and trust that they are loved.

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A Positive Family Dynamic Through Our Eyes

We believe that the foundation of a healthy family dynamic is honesty. If everyone in the family is true to themselves and honest with everyone involved, there's not much that can't be worked through and healed from [together.] However, as much as it's a group effort, it also takes individual effort.

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Tyler and I believe that everyone in the family plays their own role in the dynamic. Each person has an individual moral obligation to assure that everyone they love feels safe enough to be honest in the first place. There's power in vulnerability and that's what we try to practice when raising ours.

Everyone In The Family Has A Voice To Be Heard

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Something that we plan on encouraging in our family as the girls grow up is to have a parenting/family suggestion box. This means that we will have a "Family Suggestion Box" that everyone in the housejhold can write into. Every week, Tyler and I will open the box and read everything our children write.

The box could contain something as simple as, "I think Vaeda should have a timer on Disney + so I can watch movies I like too." It can also range into more serious thoughts such as, "Last night dad got mad and I heard him say that I made him mad and it hurt my feelings. I think he should apologize."

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Tyler thought up this idea because as a child he always felt unheard. He felt as if his ideas and beliefs didn't matter. So, with this suggestion box he wants to give everyone in the family a voice to use and to know that their voice matters.

Shaping Our Future Learning From Our Past

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Tyler's family dynamic consisted of a single mother, a drug addict father who was in and out of jail and, an older sister. He didn't have a family beyond that. It was always just three of them. He explains their dynamic to mostly be about survival which didn't leave much room for emotional understanding and growth. His mom had to work two jobs just to make ends meet. She was a mortgage processor by day and a bartender by night.

Growing up, his mother would sacrifice all of her time to work just to be able to put food on the table. And, that's all seriousness. And, although his mom's busy schedule left him and his sister home together often, they didn't bond over deep conversations. Their relationship was more surface level. She would more so reprimand him with things like, "Tyler please keep your mouth shut and don't get suspended tomorrow!"

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His sister was the well behaved child, a cheerleader and didn't get in trouble at school. Tyler on the other hand was the opposite. He came with a lot of energy and nowhere to exert it. His energy was at 100 or zero. He got bored easily and questioned anything and everyone around him - rules, authority figures, teachers, etc.

His liveliness was overwhelming for his mom at times. She would often be irritated with him which forced him to personally detach. He would escape into his own fictional stories and pretend to be Batman or reenact his favorite movies. That's also what inspired his short story and poem writing.

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